Amy C Walters

The Cost of Discipleship | Luke 14:25-35

Jesus says some very challenging things to the crowds who were following him. But what does he mean by hating your family and even your own life? We look in the context of the story to see what Jesus means and how it should impact our lives.

Jesus’ teaching in this story can come across as really off-putting and harsh. So today we’re going to try to understand what he means by it. 

At the start of this passage, Jesus turns to those traveling with him and says, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters, even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.” Hate the people he loves?! What is going on with this? 

It sounds wrong because it seems contrary to other things that Jesus has been teaching, even the way he’s lived his own life. We’ve seen Jesus go out of his way to show love and compassion to people. We’ve seen him generously help so many people.

And in his teaching, we’ve heard the Parable of the Good Samaritan, for instance, where he greatly expands what it means to love your neighbor. He takes it far beyond what we would have imagined. So Jesus has taught others and shown himself to be loving. 

So what does he mean when he says to hate those we love the most? What answers can we find from right here in the story? 

One of the repeated phrases is, “You cannot be my disciple.” He says it three times. The first time is after the first statement about hating your family, even your own life. The second comes with his next statement that “if anyone does not carry his cross and follow me, he cannot be my disciple.” And the third time comes after the second short parable, the one about the king who’s considering going to war. After that, Jesus says, “In the same way, anyone who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.” 

I think this last statement, “giving up everything you have,” is the key to understanding what Jesus means with the other statements. You don’t hold anything or anyone as more precious than Jesus. It’s a willingness to let it all go, if necessary. 

Notice that it might even include giving up your own life. Jesus says, “father and mother, wife and children, brother and sister, yes, even your own life.” So again, hatred doesn’t mean treating yourself terribly, but it means being willing to give up your life to pursue God and his purposes. 

So we’re going to present our key truth right now and then we’ll look at what this means for the way we live. Our key truth for today is that disciples follow Jesus first. He is their primary pursuit.

What does that look like? First of all, it impacts a disciple’s relationships, that they’re willing to give up relationships even with those closest to them for the sake of Christ.

Now, when we love God first and foremost, it will impact the way that we love those closest to us. It doesn’t mean that we literally hate them now when we start following Jesus, but it’s going to transform that love so that those people are not the first things in our lives. Jesus is first.

We will continue to love the people closest to us, but our love is going to look different. It’s going to mean saying no to them sometimes. It’s going to mean not arranging our schedules solely around them. It’s going to mean not living out our passions and dreams through them. 

Sometimes it’s going to mean moving to the far side of the world away from them because you are pursuing what God wants you to do. I have known missionaries who have strained relationships with their families because they sensed God calling them to go and carry the gospel to people who don’t have access to it. And their families were upset by this decision. Even families who were Christians and knew God, they still struggled with this. But those missionaries demonstrated what it means to put God first in your life, to pursue his purposes first and foremost. 

Sometimes this is going to mean even giving up your own life to follow Jesus. He says that, yes, you must even hate your own life. And then that statement is followed by, “If anyone does not carry his cross and follow me, he cannot be my disciple.” Jesus makes this statement before his crucifixion. That possibility had not even dawned on them. His followers at this time would be baffled because the cross is associated with torture, with death, with shame.

The people who had been traveling with Jesus had seen him do incredible things; healings, teaching, making food to feed thousands of people. And they easily could have thought that, wow, if we just stick with Jesus, we’re going to have everything that we’ve ever wanted or needed. We would never get sick again. 

But Jesus is telling them, following me does not lead to a life of comfort. Sometimes it’s going to lead to a cross. Sometimes it’s going to lead to shame and pain and even a loss of life. 

Sometimes when we present the gospel to people, we present it as something that will make life easier. Becoming a Christian is just another self-help strategy. But Jesus is laying it out here that sometimes following him leads to some very difficult things. 

It’s sometimes going to cost us our money and our possessions. Look at the parable of the man who is building a tower. He has to sit down and estimate how much it’s going to cost to build that tower. He’s got to put his money and resources into completing this task. Are we willing to orient all of our resources toward pursuing Jesus?

Are we willing to orient our relationships around pursuing Jesus? Are we willing to do what is uncomfortable in order to pursue Jesus? Because that’s what it means to be a disciple.

Think too about the parable that comes before this, the Parable of the Great Feast. The people who had RSVP’d “yes,” then all made excuses and didn’t go. Their excuses were really lame. And yet, even if they were legitimate excuses, what do you think this passage tells us about them? It seems to be saying that no excuse is legitimate if it takes us away from pursuing God, if it causes us to say no to him and his purposes.

So, listening to these challenging words, you might start to think, okay then, why follow Jesus? Is it worth it? If this is what it’s going to cost, why go through all of that? In the next post, we’ll answer that question. But today, it’s important to know that disciples follow Jesus first.